Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Divorce Rates

There is absolutely nothing quite like the stress of a wedding.  Many folks decided that for their second, they will elope, because the stress of their first wedding was horrid.  Fact is, there are many ways to get past the stress, or at least to cope.  The best way?  Be sure you are marrying the right person for the right reasons.

Seems like a simple thing to say, but if two people are truly happy, and truly compatible, then the stress coming up to the wedding will be minimized by tons.  Even though there is stress, and sometimes Lisa gets a little stressed out, we can both look at each other, say our code word, and step back to take a breath.

Many marriages end in divorce for an extremely simple reason...the two people weren’t compatible, and wrong about being in love.  I in no way try to hide the fact that I was in a few failed relationships in my life.  Each one, it was pretty obvious early on that there were issues that would eventually break us up.  But I foraged on, because I didn’t want to give up.

But at some point, you have to realize that there is something simple about just being in love, and being loved in return.  My prior relationships never had that.  It was a struggle, and none of them were meant to be.  It seems obvious when you tell the stories of failed relationships, but living them is far different than telling the story of them.

The one major thing I’ve learned about past relationships is recognizing where I made the mistakes, and being worried about making them again.  Even though you promise yourself you won’t, you still will, because you can’t lose your own failings and shortcomings.  My biggest issue was I tried to hard instead of allowing myself to realize that it was time to let go and move on.

And the best part about past relationships, is that they are in the past.  And one day, in the present, you can find the happiness you didn’t back then.  Like me.  I know this will be a great marriage, because Lisa and I aren’t getting uptight about the wedding.  We agree on just about everything, and compromise on everything else without issue.

And that’s the measure that I see as figuring out what is the best in the relationship.  I’m honestly glad I went through those relationships in the past.  Because I know that even though I made mistakes, I knew I did the right thing.  In those relationships, getting married came up, but I was always the first to say, “This relationship isn’t marriage material yet.”  Or at least something to that tune.  A major thing I learned was seeing the signs that something wasn’t quite working out.

And this one, those signs aren’t there.  This is working out, and as we are getting exactly 47 hours after this blog post goes live, I can see how well its going to work out.  There’s something amazing about being truly happy, and not having any reservations at all.  For the first time in my life, I’m not struggling to keep love, or to stay in love, or against someone who is destroying the relationship with their actions.  I’m truly just enjoying the ride, with my perfect partner.

Life with Lisa Bonser has already been the greatest time of my life.  Here’s to long life, and happiness with my new wife! *raises a glass in toast*

A Brainless Nod - Find me on


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