My Own Search for Happiness

There’s something beautiful to me about stories where some guy goes on some kind of elaborate journey to find happiness.  I think it reminds me of my own journey.  I know at the beginning of it all I felt like it was going to be some epic thing….

My journey started with a simple concept.  Well…I say it was simple.  It all started with the search for love, who I am, what happiness was, and the escape from the madness that dwelled within me from being stuck in the dead end of dead ends.  At 21, I had already had two crazy brushes with love and one relationship where it was obvious that nothing was going to work out.  The pieces of my heart were not going to pick themselves up by themselves and nothing was ever going to be picked up within the confines of the life I was living.  So, I set off….

Giving Thanks 2013.

Not very much has fundamentally changed since last Thanksgiving.  Hard to believe I didn’t write a blog post last year on the subject.  In the end, there was so much going on....  Oh well....

Its hard not to be thankful for my life and all that’s in it.  I have a wonderful Step-Daughter, who tries my patience quite a bit, but is still one of the most interesting people I’ve ever gotten to know.  She’s crazy, eclectic, and a true unique.  I’m beyond thankful to be in her life, to be loved by her, and to have the respect she chose to give me.

(Poem) - Happily Forever After

Bad days aside
Most are pretty good
Some days can even
Be better than they should

Those days are blessed
Wonderful through and through
Because I simply get to spend
All my time with you

I feel like I belong
I feel like part of something
Something far bigger
Than wearing your wedding ring.

Someday the dog doesn’t scratch
The dog doesn’t grunt
She simply lays there
Performing a silent stunt

Harmony can reign
Within this amazing home
There can be a calm
Without the petulant groans

Of a crazy teenage girl
Who is our entire world
That’s not getting her way
As her life is unfurled

Yes, there are days
Where life it truly the best
In fact there are quite a few
That are far better than the rest

The hammock is crying our name
Swaying in the breeze
There’s not very much better
Than reading our Kindles with ease

It almost seems
As if our life is a fantasy
Yet it is most definitely not
This is our reality

A life full of love
A life full of laughter
I love my wife with my entire soul
For now and for happily forever after.

(( FYI, this poem is actually part 3 in my "3 Post Experience" this week. Experience the low point in part 1, where a bad day reeks havoc in Days Like This.   But of course, every bad day becomes just another tomorrow, where you find out that there are no failures, just unfinished successes.  All you have to do is remember There Will Always Be Days Like Yesterday. ))

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Artistic Work

I have never written so much in my entire life.  I can easily compare it all to my early adulthood, when I was writing 8 hours a day.  I spend so much time in front of the computer now, its crazy.  And I have nothing but a backlog of work.

Thing is, its not just the writing, it’s the photography, the blog’s promotion, the working with Lisa on her newest novel, brainstorming.  I’m completely shocked at how much there is to do now that I have absolutely nothing to do.

What My Life is About

I always hate looking at my blog topic list and not seeing anything on there I want to write about.  Its not technically writer’s block, or being burnt out, its just...ambiguity I guess.  So much good is going on around me, so much fun.

This blog is going great, I’m loving my camera.  The hammock is such a great place to be, enjoying the hell outta my marriage.  Got my Kindle loaded with books to read, and am writing a novel while helping Lisa write her newest.  Exercise flows decently easy, though I need to do more of it, and I’ve got a great collection of stuff.

Old Wounds

There’s nothing quite like getting old.  It seems the more you age, the more you hurt.  But I always looked at a bit differently.  It seems the longer you live the more wounds you collect.  And nothing hurts worse than old wounds.

Yes, I’m talking about physical and emotional.  On the physical side, I have the one that scares me the most.  A few years ago, I feel off some rocks on the California coast.  I hit my head pretty hard, bled quite a bit, but it stopped quick enough.  That injury has caused me to have acute motion sickness now.  I never had it before...but now, I go up in a plane with Lisa, and if I haven’t taken something, then yeah...I know it pretty quickly....

(poem) - The Choice of Happiness or Pain

Things progress through time
Even when the lines don’t rhyme
Flowing down a river
Into a happy ether.

Dreams normally speak to me
Of things beyond reality
Yet now they speak of the present
Where love is quite pleasant



Yet how am I supposed to create?
Isn’t pain creativity’s bait?
Maybe I’m wrong
Because pain fed me for so long....

Happiness is an amazing thing
I feel as if I’m flying up a string
But when I sit down to write
The easiest thing to plot is a plight

There are those that create
Where happiness doesn’t abate
They inspire me unbelievably so
With love’s undeniable throw

But when I do such a thing
I start to wonder about flooding
Too much of something can drown
How much should I share before I clamp down?

The things I worry about are silly
Of course my wife and I are touchie feelie
But I know you don’t want to read that
Day after day of love’s mushy format



Luckily there are day to day problems
That need working out with a blog’s dictums
I might be happy as a lark
But there are still problems quite stark

With life in general, and life all around
Like how most of today’s youth is Hellward bound
And luckily, with my happiness where it is
I can use my inspiration to find the best solutions

For that is why I read blogs myself
To work through the pains I sit on a shelf
My dreams of love can fully abound
Because of this way out I found

I shall write and write and write some more
Because writing is something I fully adore
And my wife will fully attest
For she loves my writing the best

So I do it for myself and I do it for her
And I will continue to mention she makes my soul purr
Even when I write about pain
It will always come back to my love for her, again and again.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

The time I learned how to pretend to smile.

Most people don’t know this, but I went through a very large portion of my life, faking laughter and smiles.  I actually got quite good at it.  At times, its hard not to think about that period of my life as the ‘dark time’ but the fact is, there was quite a bit of good in it.

During that time, I had completely given up on happiness, and started to acquire habits that were extremely hard to get rid of.  I suppose that’s how its supposed to work, the whole idle hands thing.



The most interesting part about this is, though, that I’d bet most don’t know when that time was for me.  I guess that’s also kinda sad, as this period of my life was the most influential of any other time in my life.

You know the old psychology question, “If life is a play, and everyone has their part, what part do you play?”  Are you the lead character?  Are you a supporting character?  Are an antagonist?  Lets get a bit outside the box, are you maybe the director?  Script writer?  Producer?  Better yet...what part do you think I play?

During the most unhappy portion of my life, I learned that I was the audience.  That’s right, I’m the one sitting in the crowd watching it all.

The cool thing is, I pay attention, I learn from watching other people’s mistakes.  I’ve watched romances, death, degradation, and hilarity.  I’ve witnessed just about every plot life can throw at someone.  I watched how people reacted in those situations, and came up with conclusions.

Then, I hit highschool.  Suddenly, I could answer people’s life’s questions.  They’d come to me for all manor of questions, and I could sit back, think about it, and give them an honest answer.  Suddenly I was a ‘wise man’ that could help even the most lost individual.

It was an odd transition, going from this well of unhappiness, of being lost in life, of just existing, to what I became.  I pulled together friends from all aspects of highschool life, and somehow we formed a family.  The nerdy smart kids hung around with some jocks who hung around with the creative outcasts.  And we all sat at the same table at lunch, far away from the cafeteria.



During that time of unhappiness, there WERE moments of joy, but they were few and far between.  I would wear a particular piece of clothing to school every day, and somehow identify with it.  On the weekends I had friends outside of school, the neighborhood kids, to hang with.  I had video games and Star Trek The Next Generation.  My imagination ran free and wild, and I sat back and watched life happen for so many people.

I’ve always said that one must appreciate the darkness within their own soul to truly understand the light.  I have met people in life, that saw the darkness behind my eyes, and got scared and ran from my life.  I’ve met those that were attracted to it for all the wrong reasons.

What I can tell you is this.  I wouldn’t change my life, because it made me who I am.  It definitely wasn’t a horrible life, just at times it just overflowed with unhappiness, which isn’t exactly sadness.  I’d do it all again for sure, without hesitation.  Life is special and beautiful, and to think about it versus never existing, seems ludicrous on an insane level.  I am who I am because I was allowed to become me naturally.  Its hard not to be grateful, awe-inspired, and moved all at the same time.  And it all happened, because I lived a portion of my life, where I had to learn how to fake laughter and smilies.

Divorce Rates

There is absolutely nothing quite like the stress of a wedding.  Many folks decided that for their second, they will elope, because the stress of their first wedding was horrid.  Fact is, there are many ways to get past the stress, or at least to cope.  The best way?  Be sure you are marrying the right person for the right reasons.

Seems like a simple thing to say, but if two people are truly happy, and truly compatible, then the stress coming up to the wedding will be minimized by tons.  Even though there is stress, and sometimes Lisa gets a little stressed out, we can both look at each other, say our code word, and step back to take a breath.

Many marriages end in divorce for an extremely simple reason...the two people weren’t compatible, and wrong about being in love.  I in no way try to hide the fact that I was in a few failed relationships in my life.  Each one, it was pretty obvious early on that there were issues that would eventually break us up.  But I foraged on, because I didn’t want to give up.

But at some point, you have to realize that there is something simple about just being in love, and being loved in return.  My prior relationships never had that.  It was a struggle, and none of them were meant to be.  It seems obvious when you tell the stories of failed relationships, but living them is far different than telling the story of them.

The one major thing I’ve learned about past relationships is recognizing where I made the mistakes, and being worried about making them again.  Even though you promise yourself you won’t, you still will, because you can’t lose your own failings and shortcomings.  My biggest issue was I tried to hard instead of allowing myself to realize that it was time to let go and move on.

And the best part about past relationships, is that they are in the past.  And one day, in the present, you can find the happiness you didn’t back then.  Like me.  I know this will be a great marriage, because Lisa and I aren’t getting uptight about the wedding.  We agree on just about everything, and compromise on everything else without issue.

And that’s the measure that I see as figuring out what is the best in the relationship.  I’m honestly glad I went through those relationships in the past.  Because I know that even though I made mistakes, I knew I did the right thing.  In those relationships, getting married came up, but I was always the first to say, “This relationship isn’t marriage material yet.”  Or at least something to that tune.  A major thing I learned was seeing the signs that something wasn’t quite working out.

And this one, those signs aren’t there.  This is working out, and as we are getting married...in exactly 47 hours after this blog post goes live, I can see how well its going to work out.  There’s something amazing about being truly happy, and not having any reservations at all.  For the first time in my life, I’m not struggling to keep love, or to stay in love, or against someone who is destroying the relationship with their actions.  I’m truly just enjoying the ride, with my perfect partner.

Life with Lisa Bonser has already been the greatest time of my life.  Here’s to long life, and happiness with my new wife! *raises a glass in toast*

(poem) - Valentines Day 2013

I know exactly
What some people say
The card companies got together
And made up Valintines Day

Fact is I don’t care
Because the day has a wonderful vibe
Knowing love is in the air
Makes life worth the ride

Every day I wake up
And try to make her know I love her
But on Valintines Day
The effort is a blur

There are cards and gifts
In all the stores
All begging you to buy
All the more

The best day
Is the day after
When its all half off
Which causes me much laughter

But the day itself
Is a wonderful day
And I’ll show that I love her
In every single way

The weekend that follows
Will be full of fun
Because we will go out walking
Under the bright sun

And I will profess
My love to her
For she is my world
And there’ll not be another

She will smile
And we will kiss
We will be married
And know such bliss

For she is my love
My lover and friend
And will forever be
Beyond whatever end.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - Moving Beyond Death Around Us

Death doesn’t affect me
As is does so many others
People pass from this life
Tender goodbye’s from Grandmothers

I tend to morn more
When people chose to go away
Life has it’s end
Death will have its day

Many leave this existence
Shrouded in clouds of pain
It is a blessing to see them pass
For there is nothing left for them to gain

The only true sadness
Should come from tragedy
For those are unexpected
And will be missed greatly

But even then
We continue through this life
They wouldn’t want us to bog down
With an excess of strife

I’ve had people leave me
That were close indeed
And I have been effected
By grief’s own creed

But it didn’t slow me down
Because life is still amazing
Even without them here
Without their life’s rays

I’ve seen death come
And I’ve seen death go
But I know that I’m still here
To enjoy life’s disco

It’s a lesson we all must learn
To get past all the grief
Because there is more to life
Than wallowing on death’s reef.

We don’t know what is beyond
We don’t know what comes next
But I know that life has rewards
That have amazing context

Grief is a powerful thing
But don’t let it get you down
Those that have passed
Do not want you to frown

When I shed
This mortal coil
And find death
At my very own door

I want people to remember
This very simple thing
That Life is fragile
And you should ALWAYS sing

Because grief always ends
As does waves upon the sand
Life shall go endlessly on without us
As it goes on, without them.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

(poem) - Stats Hide The Joy of Blogging

Stats stats
Its all about the stats
It makes me so mad
That I just spat

Why can’t it be
Just about writing?
Putting out content
That is simply inviting?

It seems there is
Some kind of statistic
Behind everything in life
Including a simple lyric

So how does one
Tune it all out
Blog about whatever
And not scream and shout?

I’ve been amazed at how many
Analytics there are
And how SEO
Is what everyone should strive for

Getting viewers to come
Is such a heroic deed
That it makes one wonder
How DO good bloggers get paid?

In the end
You can’t think about that
You have to write for the joy
Not for the feather in the hat

Getting paid would be nice
But the true joy of writing
Is simply creation itself
Of dreams igniting

And burning bright
Out on the internet
For anyone to come by
And leave a comment.

Blogging is a joy
That can be an occupation
Its too much fun
Enjoying this creation

So only glance at the stats
Don’t watch them like a hawk
Keep your eye on the prize
And don’t listen to the talk

Just write for the fun of it
And if you get paid
Then it will be a joy
As joyous as getting laid

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Karmatic Revenge

Its hard for me not to full on believe in karmatic revenge.  After all I’ve experienced in life, it seems that every good I do is countered by some form of bad.  Its almost like no matter how happy I am, something has to remind me to appreciate it.  At least, I think that’s the best way to see it.

I honestly do not care that karmatic is not picked up by spell checkers.  I think it should be.  At least its fully in the Urban Dictionary, I’d hate to have to make up a whole new word just to get across a point.

(poem) - The New Year Ahead

The holidays
Have come and gone
Leaving us
With their memorable songs

They are stuck in the mind
Repeating again and again
Like some
Horrendously memorable sin

But with their leaving
We can now see
A new year before us
A brand new journey

Time marches ever onward
Leading towards whatever end
But I know this year
I shall not bend

This year
Threatens to be
The happiest
In memory

I will get married
I will have a wife
Who will share with me
This amazing life

Hand in hand
We will face the stretch of time
And I will try to make
Every line rhyme.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Happy 2013!

Its hard not to get caught up in the whole New Year thing.  All the celebrations, all the joy.  All the hoping and wishing that this coming year will be better than the last.  That’s what truly makes the holidays worth it when they arrive.

But truly, its that moment after X-Mas and just before New Year’s Eve that I sit back in awe about.  All the craze of buying the perfect present is over.  Yeah sure you have the after Christmas sales, but they are nothing compared to Black Friday, yeesh.

(poem) - The End of the Holidays

Another Christmas
Has come and gone
Presents have been opened
Wrapping discarded on the lawn

Apple cider flowed
The spice was an intense flavor
This is one Christmas
I have truly savored

I spent it with family
Old and new
Enjoying this life
Is what I learned to do.

Dreams were made
During the nights
As we all avoided
Any nightmare’s plights

Now
The melancholy aftertaste begins
As this year
Comes to an end.

What will
The next year bring?
Happiness and sadness
Love and a wedding.

Dreams will come
And fade away
To be relived
On another day

Yes, it is truly
That time of year
When it is into the future
That our gaze tries to peer

Yet it will all come
As it may
All we can do
I live for each day

For the holiday season
Is drawing to a close
And soon we will put away
All the mistletoe

The songs will vanish
And the cheer will subside
As we all snuggle into the homes
Which we reside

I for one
Will remember this holiday
For it was special to me
In every way.

I bid you farewell
With all the happiness you deserve
And that you hand every one
Of life’s mean ass curves

Happy New Year to you all
Every single one
May your best dreams come true
And may your happiness be won.

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

A Value to Love

How did I suddenly become so happy?  And how long will this last?  Most of my life has been this ball of craziness, running from places I hate, and that hate me, to places of extreme beauty.  I’ve lost so many things in this life, so many failures....  Its quite amazing to look back at it all and just marvel how it all fell apart so many times.

But things have to fall apart for you to rebuild something better.  Seems I’ve always been a master at picked up the pieces.  I’ve had so many people need my help through life, picking up their pieces.  So many friends have come and gone, so many times have I helped these friends with the fallout of something or other, only to have them go back through that revolving door.

Ignoring the Flame of Creation

It saddens me to no end when people give up on something they enjoy.  I’ve seen it happen over and over again, for whatever the excuse.  I guess its because I’m so goal oriented, and so artisticly driven, but something feels like it dies inside every time I see someone give up.

Writing and music are the easiest examples.  I can see the joy in people’s eyes when they play music, but seeing them set down a guitar, just because they don’t have time, or it never went anywhere is just sad.  There’s something beautiful about creating, even if its just for fun.  How else will your soul truly sing?

(poem) - A short but sweet dedication

I remember a time
When I wasn’t blind
Where life and death
Were not of the same breath

And chocolate tasted
Like life that was bested
And wine it did flow
As the wind did below




Yet now I sit
Blinded by love’s wit
Enjoying life
With an unprecedented wife

Sipping wine from a glass
Eating chocolate in mass
Trying to remember
A time much happier

Yet I simply cannot
For I am simply besot
With a wife who is so fair
And a love that cannot compare

This is my life now
And this is my new vow
We will reap the love that we have sewn
And enjoy the pleasures we have never known

--Dan

--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Always look up

Its really hard to find something good to write about when people walk all over your life.  Heck, its hard to want to do anything but complain.  I hate when those who think they are entitled to be in your life mistreat you, bring you down, or just outright use you.

How could you not wallow in such things, get swept away by the emotion of the situation?  In the end, you have to some how rise above it all, or they win.  Some things are far more easily said than done.