Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Ominousness of Death

The light of today is a bit dimmer this time around as a particular light switch in my life has been turned off.  My future though, still approaches at a frantic pace, so to the future my eyes will remain.  But never think for a moment that I did not notice the flicker and the diminished brightness of my life.  Goodbye, mom, and may your soul rest in peace now that it no longer has to hold up the pain that the end of your life showed you.


Monday, October 6, 2014

She's Been There, from the beginning....

“Well there’s a piece of Maria in every song that I sing.
And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings.”
– Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby - Counting Crows

Many lyrics over many years have resonated deeply within me, from Counting Crows’ songs especially.  Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby has a few I quote quite a bit, but the one I just quoted above, has a very specific meaning to me....

Friday, August 22, 2014

(poem) - The Liars' Games

I’m shocked at the lies
Some people tell
I truly hope there is
A inferno like hell

There shall be no forgiveness
From my lips at all
For those people lied
They actually had the gall

Trust is the foundation
Upon which all relationships are built
They burned that bridge
Showing absolutely no guilt.

I want to scream
I want to kill
I want to do anything
But allow them to do what they will

Lying will be the downfall
Of the entire human race
Not greed, nor hate
Nor lust for power’s sweet grace

We cannot succeed
Without the trust of each other
Yet deceit commonly
Makes an enemy of one’s brother

People wonder why
I run and hide
Away from the outside world
Way deep inside

I look at them
Do they miss
All the dishonesty?

Its everywhere
Its all around
Its in the face of everyone
Who’s sent a pet to the pound

A great man
Once had a dream
Of a world without
The lie of racism

Yet it persists to this day
Because lies are believed
Which makes me fall to my knees
And grieve like a bereaved

The lies must stop
For the sake of us all
Else we will all end up
Under a draped pall

With no one to bear us hence
For the future will die in flames
It will burn behind the fence
We built to ignore all the liars' games


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

For Those Who Don't Deserve

There are many things I simply do not have time for in my life.  I think the most important thing, though, is people who flat out don’t deserve my time.  Those people who hate, those people talk trash when they are in no position to.  Those people who need to learn how to think before they open their mouths.

Lisa herself learned something major about me recently.  I had told her many times, but nothing major truly sinks in until its demonstrated.  I’ve lived by a motto that says, “I never forgive, and I never forget.”

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Music is a Soundtrack to your Life

Have you ever had music that you liked in your life, that later the words opened up and meant something to you?  My life has gone through so many evolutions I struggle to keep track of them all, but through them all is a soundtrack...a list of music that resonated within my soul, and showed me a moment of pure understanding.

Sometimes, music can talk to you.  A friend of mine used to say that you can’t truly love Jimi Hendrix unless he speaks to you.  He said the same of Jim Morrison.  Fact is, neither of those have ever spoken to me.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

An Analogy of Rain

There’s something about driving in the rain.  I’m not sure what it is, maybe its just the grey of the sky, or the memories that flood in, but the wipers flick at a certain beat, and time seems like a vague concept.

I’ve lived a life that I cannot sometimes comprehend.  The way the moonlight shines through the trees, creating shadows at night fills me with a warmth I never expect.  A cold night wind takes that feeling away every time, but it WAS there, I FELT it.

Friday, September 6, 2013

(poem) - I Belong in Her Arms

Is a dream a dream
(A crazy little dream)
If its based in reality?

What about pain?
(Is it pain?)
If its based within the mind?

Its hard not to scream
(Scream so loud)
When a dream involves pain?

Why does it hurt
(Its hurts so very much)
To have your heart broken?

I once had an ideal
(Such a great ideal)
Of what the perfect woman should be.

But the woman that was perfect
(Perfection on another level)
Broke the mold of everything that was

She changed my life
(Which needed changing)
For the better in every single way

And became my wife
(The perfect wife)
Making me the happiest man alive.

But I still remember the past
(Oh so very long ago.)
When heart break felt like it would kill me.

I remember those times
(Times best forgotten)
Crying over some foolish idiot not giving their all

I always gave my all
(Pouring my very soul)
To make sure that my love found its home

But it never did
(It grew stronger, harder)
And somehow found its way into Lisa’s embrace

This embrace
(This beautiful embrace)
Is something amazing that words cannot describe

(No matter how you write it)
Cannot match the beauty of my wife’s soul

She survived
(Things I cannot imagine)
To be with me here, laying her head against my chest

How did either of us make it here
(This wonderful place we’ve found)
After going through so damned much without each other?

The answer is so simple
(Yet so very silly)
We survived what we had to, to be together.

Because this is where we both belong
And belonging is pretty awesome
When you belong in someone’s arms.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Friday, August 30, 2013

(poem) - Bring on the Pain

I hate those moments
Right after something special
That take a great time
And make the whole even awful

Its going to happen
From time to time
But I’ll hate it with a passion
No matter the reason or rhyme

It gets more rare
With every passing day
That everything goes right
In every single way

Something always
Tries to come around
Bringing along
A dank and dark cloud

I rage against it
With all my might
But I’m getting tired
And always loose the fight

The one thing
I know I can say
Is that the longer people
Together stay

They’ll be able to find
The best ways to hurt each other
Making paradise
A little less brighter

I truly hate those moments
Right after being inspired
When the yelling starts
And an argument has to be retired.

There is nothing more devastating
Than doing what I do
Stopping you from hurting me
By making sure I hurt you.

But life goes on
As beautiful as it may seem
With this one argument
Lurking behind the scene

It might be
The only one we have
But it’s a dozy
And definitely not drab.

All I can say is
Love is a beautiful thing
And conquers everything
That gets put in a sling

The aftermath might be oppressing
But tomorrow is another day
And nowhere near depressing

For love will come
With the brand new dawn
And spread its rays
Upon our green lawn

The grass will grow
Along with our love
We will catch wing again
And fly like a dove.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The Water Heater Conundrum

I hate our water heater.  With a burning passion.  There are very few people I hate worse than this contraptions design.  I’ve never had a water heater need so much upkeep.  Hell, I’ve never seen any appliance in an entire house need so much upkeep....

Such is the price of home ownership though.  When things go wrong, you have to fix them, replace them, or pay someone way too much to deal with it.  Fact is, we’ve had several people look at the thing, and only one person understood the problem, but his ‘fix’ was a workaround that is a bit crazy.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Old Wounds

There’s nothing quite like getting old.  It seems the more you age, the more you hurt.  But I always looked at a bit differently.  It seems the longer you live the more wounds you collect.  And nothing hurts worse than old wounds.

Yes, I’m talking about physical and emotional.  On the physical side, I have the one that scares me the most.  A few years ago, I feel off some rocks on the California coast.  I hit my head pretty hard, bled quite a bit, but it stopped quick enough.  That injury has caused me to have acute motion sickness now.  I never had it before...but now, I go up in a plane with Lisa, and if I haven’t taken something, then yeah...I know it pretty quickly....

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Hyper-Boredom, the Misdiagnosed Problem with the World

Part of me wishes I had made up the term “Hyper Boredom” but I didn’t.  Its been bounced around for a bit, used as a title to a blog or three, and been dropped a few times by other bloggers just rambling on.  One in particular listed boredom as a huge thing with suicide, and mentioned that most mental illnesses either are boredom, or are rooted in boredom.

For the longest time, I’ve fully believed that boredom was a HUGE issue, and it iss odd to watch it in the current teenage generation.  I’ve experienced boredom, a huge amount of it, all my life.  But there’s something more to it now....

Friday, May 10, 2013

(poem) - The Choice of Happiness or Pain

Things progress through time
Even when the lines don’t rhyme
Flowing down a river
Into a happy ether.

Dreams normally speak to me
Of things beyond reality
Yet now they speak of the present
Where love is quite pleasant

Yet how am I supposed to create?
Isn’t pain creativity’s bait?
Maybe I’m wrong
Because pain fed me for so long....

Happiness is an amazing thing
I feel as if I’m flying up a string
But when I sit down to write
The easiest thing to plot is a plight

There are those that create
Where happiness doesn’t abate
They inspire me unbelievably so
With love’s undeniable throw

But when I do such a thing
I start to wonder about flooding
Too much of something can drown
How much should I share before I clamp down?

The things I worry about are silly
Of course my wife and I are touchie feelie
But I know you don’t want to read that
Day after day of love’s mushy format

Luckily there are day to day problems
That need working out with a blog’s dictums
I might be happy as a lark
But there are still problems quite stark

With life in general, and life all around
Like how most of today’s youth is Hellward bound
And luckily, with my happiness where it is
I can use my inspiration to find the best solutions

For that is why I read blogs myself
To work through the pains I sit on a shelf
My dreams of love can fully abound
Because of this way out I found

I shall write and write and write some more
Because writing is something I fully adore
And my wife will fully attest
For she loves my writing the best

So I do it for myself and I do it for her
And I will continue to mention she makes my soul purr
Even when I write about pain
It will always come back to my love for her, again and again.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Friday, November 23, 2012

(poem) Sanity in an Evil World

Even as I dream,
I wake up crying
Knowing that the world,
Is outside dying.

Someone is out there
Being lied to by a dove
Someone else is getting hit
by someone they love

This world is an evil
Masochistic place
Where evil parades around
With a sadistic face

I long to scream
And make it better
Yet noone raises a hand
Or writes a letter

I can’t believe
How scary life truly is
When it all seems to fly by
Without much flavor or fizz.

How can I stand up tall
And enjoy all of this life
When everyone else
Seems to struggle with the strife?

The answer is simple
Yet completely sad
My life is my own
And not to make you mad

But what others do
Does not concern me a bit
For everyone else in the world
Seems to be throwing a fit

I’ll lie in my hammock
And sway in the breeze
While reading my Kindle
Enjoying a book about zombies

And all you silly people
Can keep on fighting for your fictions
While I enjoy my own life
Oh, did I mention?

That I’m in love
With my wonderful wife
And completely enjoying
This crazy life

Maybe you should stop
Flaming out in the night
Embrace your neighbor
And help them with their plight

For humanity is doomed
By humanity’s own hand
For we strive and struggle
To battle over simple land

All you do is
You fight and kill
And you want me to believe
Its not just for the thrill?

None of your Saviors
Would be proud of the way
You wake up in the morning
And do nothing but plot and slay

God gave us this life
To completely enjoy
But you waste it away
To shamefully destroy.

So just stay away
From my life and lease
Because you’ll find nothing here
But wonderful peace.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Scars of a Past Relationship

There’s nothing quite like the smallest things in the world to make you realize you are happy.  I’ve talked before, about having some bad girlfriends in the past, one the most overall.  Today I want to talk about trust, what it means to me, and what my experiences have been like because of trust, and the lack there of.

I’m currently sitting at my desk, typing away, and the Victoria's Secret Christmas Catalog is sitting so close to me, I’m having to put my trackball/mouse in an awkward position because its in the way.  Its there because it came in the mail today, and we’re going to look through it later and see what all my fiancĂ© might want for Christmas out of it.

Monday, October 29, 2012

A Disorder, or Just Being Mean

Why do people have to spread a bad mood?  I know the Metallica song, “Misery Love Company,” but seriously, why would anyone do that intentionally?  It seems like the main phone calls we get are from someone who just HAS to make sure everyone is in a bad mood....

A while back, in another blog, I mentioned the Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD.  I honestly have issues with ‘clinical problems’ because these are just things people have always had, we just finally gave it a name, and now that it has a name, we can now medically treat it....  Most disorders don’t need to be treated, they just need to be gotten over, but sometimes, you run across bad ones that need some kind of intervention.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The First Love, is only the beginning.

There is nothing like falling in love, especially the first time.  Part of me will always envy those first loves that get married out of highschool and live their lives together happy for another sixty to eighty years.  To bad it hardly ever works out like that.

I remember my first love well.  She broke my heart in so many ways, but most of those ways were important.  I had great potential as a person, yet I was squandering it.  I had dropped out of college in the first year, was living with my parents, and spending eight to ten hours a day writing a novel that wasn’t completely thought out.

Friday, September 28, 2012

(poem) - Love This Life

Pain is something
We all must feel
For it is a part
Of simply being real

This life is amazing
And totally inspiring
How can one live it
And not think of aspiring?

Something great
Is just around the corner
All we have to do is get there
And learn not to falter

Keep your feet
On unsteady ground
Never worry too much
And just follow the sound

The sound of happiness
Flowing to your ears
Of friends and of love
Listen to it with happy tears

Let it fill your soul
And fill your life
Because one thing is for certain
You will get through the strife

And live a life
Happy and carefree
If only you simply
Let yourself be

Cheers to you
On your fantastic journey
Life is amazing, even if
You fall on your fanny

Just remember your past
Enjoy your present
Look forward to the future
And strive to be prudent

For you need to be
As excellent as you can
But to be excellent
Just learn to laugh like a madman

Because life is a blast
A true thrill ride
I know this
Because I live my life untied.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

(poem) - Envoy of my happiness

How did I not know
My life was so bad
Before I had you
As my bride?

The day to day
Meandering pace
Of simply avoiding
The mirror’s face

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Thing About Lies.

Dan has told me over and over that he believes lying is the worst sin committable by humans. He talks about how undermines human society, and will be one of the possible downfalls of the human race. "How can we honestly trust anyone, when so many people lie as outrageously as they do?"

Sure, everyone lies, its an unavoidable aspect of existence, I don’t know how many times I’ve lied in my life, I’m sure its more than I’d care to admit...but there is a line I will not cross when it comes to lies. I will lie to protect friends, protect family, bury secrets that need to be buried; you know, things that you have to protect.

Friday, July 13, 2012

(poem) They Struggle, Hidden....

Sometimes in life
We meet those people
Filled with strife
Not helped by the steeple

But can you help them
As they hide their tears
Struggling to hide the stem
Of that which creates their fears?

They have a turmoil
Deep within their soul
That makes life dreadful
An emotional steamroll

Can you stop someone
Who is making their final stand
Before they find themselves fallen
From the Earth’s wonderful sand?

Can you make them care
About what life has to offer?
Can you make them dare
To face all this life’s horror?

No matter how bad it gets
Life is worth living
There will always be duets
That will keep you singing

If only you can make them see
How great it all truly is
To live this life so free
Once you break your own bond’s kiss.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

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