The beginning of December

Life is full of what ifs and entertaining scenarios that didn’t happen, but might have.  As a fiction writer, I tend to dredge these kinda things up, and think about different variations on life, and what might have been or even could have been.  You can even turn this to the future, and think about what still might be, and the different paths you can take.

Now that December is here, and we’re hurtling towards Christmas at harrowing speeds, and Thanksgiving and Black Friday are over and done with, I can’t help but think about the past, and what all might have been, and what all could have been.  All this ends up making me appreciate there here and now better.


Somewhere, buried amongst files and files of pictures, is a shot of my very first Christmas outside of Texas, well, the first one I actually celebrated.  I remember it being a new years resolution every year, to celebrate Christmas.  But then it just wouldn’t happen.  So, one year, I finally set up a tree and celebrated.  It was nice, and definitely worth while.  I’ve celebrated it ever since, and they seem to keep getting happier.

Its hard not to get alittle nostalgic when I think back to that, but then I think about the other stuff that was going on at the time.  The ‘what if?’ line there couldn’t have happened, I had to get out of that situation, but if that situation wouldn’t have ever happened....  Yeah, I would have waited longer to celebrate the holidays while out on my own, and appreciating having a family that cares and loves me would be harder.

Sometimes the lessons in life come from the most unlikely places.  The places at the bottom of the well, where pain and darkness dwell.  One cannot appreciate the light, without shadows.  And there’s no way I could appreciate the present without having gone through the past.

I’ve been through much happiness and sadness in my life.  And all of it led to the arms of my fiancé.  I can go through all sorts of scenarios and ideas, thinking about what might have happened back then, and what if something worked out better, or didn’t happen at all.  It makes me happy I lived me life the way I did, and realize that the things I once regretted, I don’t anymore.  December is here, and my thanks have been given.  Now its time to hold the woman who’ll be my wife, and look at the world under the gray skies, drink hot chocolate, and watch the snow fall in the safety and warmth of our home.