I remember several years ago, a colleague at work turned to me and said, “You shouldn’t go for women who had children.” I remember looking back at her and said, “Finding a woman at my age without children...yeah right.” I remember the conversation well, and how true it was then, and still is.
Falling in love is hard enough, even though when it happens its way to easy to just fall. Lisa and I fell fast, and hard, and it was wonderful. But quite a few people were startled by it all, watching from the outside. Not least of which, was a teenage daughter caught in the middle. But here’s one thing I’ve learned, if you are to have a mother love you, then you have to love the child as well.
Luckily, my step-daughter is really amazing. Her and I get along quite well, and honestly, I have gained a love for her that is equal to the love of her mother. Somewhere along the way, this love Lisa and I shared, went from a simple relationship, to a full on family. I didn’t just fall in love with a woman, I fell in love with two, who claim me equally, and often jokingly fight over my affections.
I’ve been around children many times in my life, though I have none of my own. I’ve been in relationships where kids were involved, or had close friendships where there were children that adored me. But never anything like this. When you fall in love, you never fully expect to have to take responsibility for a 3rd party. Sure, it happens down the road, but suddenly, I’m a father. A step-father sure, but still a father. I went from being enamored of one woman, to a caring parent....
There is nothing quite like that kind of culture shock. Luckily I knew somewhat, what I was getting into, and luckily I enjoy children and especially enjoy teenagers who can play a game with an equal amount of skill as I have. Its especially nice to have someone around who enjoys my tastes in certain things, as Lisa does not like sci-fi stories, even though she’s a published novelist who writes about vampires
....One day, I was sitting in a room in Arkansas, enjoying life in a minimalist way, just barely scraping by and loving life. Now I’m loving life more than I could have ever dreamed, have responsibilities I completely enjoy, and have more meaning to my life than I’ve had in a very long time. I found the love of my life, and in my earning her respect and love, I earned the respect and love of two.
What do you think about dating someone with a child? What are your experiences? I know all my experiences have been different, and somehow I got lucky, but I’m interested in knowing yours, so please comment!
–Dan
