Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Friday, November 29, 2013

(poem) - Black Friday 2013

Shop shop shop
Shop until you drop
Then shop even more
For the items you want to adore

Black Friday
Cyber Monday
Call it what you will
You will keep shopping until

You’ve spent all your money
Ain’t it so funny?
That you nabbed that deal
Because you thought the deals were real?

Some camped out all night
Hoping not to get a fright
Because its scary not getting that TV
Can you even believe?

The day after giving thanks
People empty their banks
Fighting to get new stuff
Because no one can ever have enough

They will fight and claw
Even punch you in the jaw
To get that item they want
Capitalism at its most blunt

This is what people think
Christmas is all about
Fighting over a small toy
Instead of sharing in all the joy

Every year I grow
To hate this season more and more
Because of all the greed
That I see in every deed

Happiness and Goodwill towards men be damned
Screw you all
And screw you well
For I got my deepfryer on sale

I only had to sit for hours
On a sidewalk in the snow
Wrestle some woman to the ground
And kick a man in the groin

But I saved a dollar ninety-nine
Suck on that, you Black Friday noob!
I saw you standing in that Toys-R-Us line
Watching a catfight, hoping to see a boob.

A sad day indeed
When we all agree we need
Something more than family
To celebrate such a wonderful holiday....


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Friday, November 22, 2013

(poem) - Error 0x80070004

I’m apparently being punished
For what I’ve done to my computer
Yet all I’m guilty of doing
Is making it run better

With the invention of Windows 8
It became harder to move files around
I don’t have a touch screen
And I want my files easily found

I separate my files
Onto multiple drives
So when one crashes
Most my files survive

But the user directory
Is a pain to move this time
You have to go through odd steps
That don’t make sense or rhyme

But I went through it all
And was satisfied with the result
Until 8.1 came out
And threw me an insult

I cannot upgrade my computer
Because of this much needed move
Now Microsoft is punishing me
For throwing off their Emperor like grove.

Don’t get me wrong
I’m one of the few people I know
That actually likes Windows 8
And how its controlled

But there are things in this update
That should have been in there from the start
I need this update
To quell my computer’s heart

But yeah
That’s not how it works
Error 0x80070004 has come
Destroying these much needed perks

Screw you world
For making me conform
I do not want to do so
For I am my own storm

I will customize my life
To my best abilities
Your updates be damned
You Microsoft commies

I will work around your stupidity
And make this computer work right
For you have not heard the last of people like me
Because honestly, we are the ones in the right.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Friday, November 1, 2013

(poem) - We Lost Halloween Because of You

Halloween is over
And all the spooks have won
We didn’t scare away the undead
And now are overrun

Whatever shall we do?
Are we all going to die?
The dead have risen
Every thing has gone arry

All because of you ladies
Dressing up all sexy
Sure, I like seeing cleavage
But it is in no way scary

Because of your unbridled beauty
We now all have to pay
I’m sorry you didn’t realize
Halloween is about scaring the spooks away

As the last of humanity
Hides in holes around the world
Eating on the candy
From our trick or treat spoils

We might think fondly
Upon your wig’s pretty curls
Or upon your sexy body
Which was practically unfurled

I truly hope you take comfort
As the ghosts roll unchecked across then land
That we all got a great view
Of your scantily clad rear end

You thought it was all about fantasy
So you dressed up as the sexy cop
The Eve of All Hallows has passed
And dead bodies rise instead of drop

But the worst part about it all
Besides all the dying, dread, and fear
Is that we won’t be able to see
What you dress up as next year....


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Friday, October 11, 2013

(poem) - Facebook's Evils

There are worse things in life
Than Facebook in the morning
There is always real life
Outside the door, moaning

Avoid it all costs
For it will devour your soul
Unless Facebook gets it first
Since you serve it up in a bowl

Feeding the beast
On a regular basis
Yet complaining about it
Enters you into a form of stasis.

I’ve watched
Day after day
As people go on
Facebook and say:

“Facebook sucks
Facebook is bad
I give my life to Facebook
Because the owner is a cad”

If you don’t like something
Then walk away
One of the best protests of all
Is letting silence rule the day

Yet alas
The ignorance persists
They go online and tell all about
There mate’s infidelic twists

Can you do me two favors though
While you are there
Shut the f- up
About the appointment for your hair

And swing on by the blog’s Page
And give it a quick Like
So you can follow all the rantings
That you know you like.


--Want more Poetry?  Check out my Poetry Collection Page!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Small Town Drama is Small Town Entertainment

There’s something odd about the ‘human condition.’  The fact that paranoia and silly unsubstantiated fear can completely override logic.  All this truly rears its ugly head when people watch Fox News, but its prevalent everywhere in life.

Its strange to me that people will believe what they want to believe when shown facts and amazing evidence to the contrary.  Sure, I COULD be talking about religion, but I’m not.  I do remember a conversation with a woman who said, “Well why couldn’t everything have just ‘started’ six thousand years ago?”

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Difficulty of Humor

Humor is an amazing little trait.  Its hard to say that its natural, when so many people work so hard at it, and achieve it.  But it does seem to be something that some people have naturally.  I personally have to work at it, just a tad, when I’m writing.

It seems that I’ve been writing far too serious stuff for me to calmly interject humor into just anything I write.  Which is sad, because I’m pretty humorous in person.  I partially wonder if it’s a thought process thing, since writing to me is so far removed from talking.  Both are quite natural to me, but this writing thing feels a bit different because its more of a monolog.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A Rambling Rant (please forgive)

I understand that hindsight is always 20/20, but I really wish people would think before designing things.  I know this blog post is going to come out as a rambling rant, but I don’t care, sometimes people just need to get things off their chest.

What is the obsession with putting carpet in the bathroom?  Honestly who thinks this is a good idea?  Its really horrible when its done in a ‘trailer home’ where the floors are wood below the carpet.  After so many months of getting out of the shower and being even a little bit wet, the floor starts to sag and has to be replaced....  Its bad enough in a house with a foundation, that carpet will mildew over time, and become a health hazard no matter how much you clean it....  Carpet in a bathroom, yeah, that a definite fail.

A Brainless Nod - Find me on


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